Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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