1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
