She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
