Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
