so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
