i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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