Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
