Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
