Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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