just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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