You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
