i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
