And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize