It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
