he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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