the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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