She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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