he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
