The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
