I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
