Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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