we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
