Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
