he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
