Kareoke will never be a sober sport
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
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