I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
