I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
