I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize