i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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