I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
