I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
