She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
