Where are you?
In a non slutty way
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
