the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
