i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
