I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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