Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
