I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you never un-have a 4some
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
