i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
