so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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