They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
