I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
