There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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