bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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