how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
