Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
