I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pants are for mortals
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
