Your mouth is God's brothel.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
