So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
