I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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