My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
