I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
