I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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