How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize