The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
