I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize