I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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