That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
