Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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