I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
