Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
