I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
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