his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
either way he was missing a nipple.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
