We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
