I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
