the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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