if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
