Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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